RCA-102/Testing Log

Researcher: Dr. Delgado

Money entered: 1 euro

Item: "Osama-Os" - a cereal box featuring a cartoon of Osama Bin Laden as a mascot. Cereal inside was found to contain anthrax. A box cutter was also inside, and was advertised on the packaging as a prize.

Researcher: Dr. Delgado

Money entered: 20 euros

Item: "Covid-Cola" - a cola can that looked similar to Coca-Cola. Soda inside was found to contain high concentrations of SARS-NCOV-2 virus.

Researcher: Dr. Branta

Money entered: 5 euros

Item: "OPeos" - a package of sandwich cookies consisting of two (2) chocolate chip cookie wafers enclosing a maple icing center. Cookies were in the shape of an unknown member of the Felinae subfamily, closely resembling known extant Leptailurus species. Item contained high levels of caffeine.

''Addendum: I came all the way to this place and this is the welcome I get? - Dr. Branta''

Researcher: Dr. Delgado

Money entered: 10 euros

Item: "Li'l Caesar's Pizza" - a pizza box resembling Little Caesar's Pizza. Pepperoni on pizza was found to contain DNA from newborn human babies.

Researcher: Dr. Branta

Money entered: 20 euro

Item: "Explosive Thing" - a small fried-potato snack containing small amounts of gray powder, vaguely phallic in nature and possessing a large "frowny face" on its head. Item exploded violently (est. 200 kJ) upon impact with chamber wall. One (1) researcher injured, RCA-102 undamaged.

''Addendum: "Phallic" my ass. That was a creeper. - Dr. Branta''

Researcher: Dr. Branta

Money entered: 10 euro

Item: "Amidst Them" - A package of various-coloured fruit gum candies resembling astronauts. One is made of solid sugar and causes the person who attempts to eat it to hear a dramatic orchestral sting.

''Addendum: I'm surprised we got the creeper before the crewmates. - Dr. Branta'' Researcher: Dr. Branta

Money entered: 5 euro

Item: "Cyan" - Spherical, turquoise blueberry fruit gum candy 5 cm in diameter with licorice limbs and smiley face. Isotopic ratio is consistent with that of Martian rocks in the region of Olympus Mons. Found to contain toxic amounts of cyanide.

Addendum: I'm not sure what I expected. Researcher: Dr. Branta

Money entered: 1 euro

Item: An apple with an eight-sided razor blade stuck in the middle. No visible cut marks were present.

Addendum: Starting to get the feeling this thing just wants to kill us.

Researcher: Dr. Branta

Money entered: 5 euros

Item: "Pic-O's" - A box of cereal whose contents resemble Friday Night Funkin '  character Pico's health bar icon. A single piece was replaced with a yellow "hazard" sign. When the hazard sign piece was consumed, an anomalously-manifested bullet consistent with an Uzi submachine gun appeared in the air and struck a nearby Gamma-class security personnel in the helmet, creating a noticeable dent and a possible concussion. [REDACTED] is expected to make a full recovery.

''Addendum: Tastes like HD remasters. -Dr. Branta''

Researcher: Dr. Branta

Money entered: 5 euros

Item: "Spicy chip" [sic] - A bag of chips containing spheres, squares, toruses and hollow cylinders. Dr. Branta was reported to make 'high-pitched randomized beeping' after consumption.

''Addendum: Is this Doritos 2? -Dr. Branta''

Researcher: Dr. Branta

Money entered: 10 euros

Item: "ＯＲＢ" - A luminous teal orb with a radius of 2.50 cm with swirls of 'indescribable color' around it. Object levitates a height five centimeters (as measured from its surface) above a surface at rest; closer distances can be achieved via pressure. Object acts as a Van de Graaf generator; contact results in mild static shock. Reportedly tastes like brown sugar.

''Addendum: What -Dr. Branta''

Researcher: Dr. Branta

Money entered: 5 euros

Item: "Honkos": A bag of fruit gummies shaped like semi-trucks. The packaging bears an insignia similar to the logo of the Ku Klux Klan hate group defaced with a SARS-NCOV-2 virion replacing the 'blood drop'.

''Addendum: The machine did it, not me. -Dr. Branta''

Researcher: Dr. Branta

Money entered: 100 euros

Item: "Eternal Doritos": A bag superficially resembling a nacho cheese-flavour Doritos bag, barring a modified logo that looks like an infinity sign (∞). The bag regenerates Doritos to maintain a constant ~70% volume of dorito/air interface.

''Addendum: Holy shit, okay, it's happening. -Dr Branta

Addendum 2: Okay, now that I'm calm, here's my hypothesis: The more money you put in, the better item you get. -Dr. Branta''

Researcher: Dr. King

Money entered: 10 euros

Item: Machine dispensed approximately one cup of apple seeds.

''Addendum: Get fucked lmao -Dr. Branta''